Gosh, you know... I see things like "domestic violence awareness month" and "black history awareness month" but never anything that pertains to anyone who's white or white and male...

So I propose:

White Male Oppression Awareness Month!

The month chosen will be January. Reasons:

It's the first month. White males should always come first because we oppress everyone.
It's also a 31 day month. White males deserve to get the most.
Being a winter month, we can force everyone to watch our parade and speeches in cold weather. This is acceptable because white males get off on watching other people suffer.
This gives the rest of the people 11 months to complain about what white males did the first month...

Calendar of events:

Jan 1st: Start of a new year of oppressing everyone! IRS joins in on the fun by delivering 1040 forms.
Jan 2nd
Starve minority children day. White males return unwanted Xmas gifts and spend money on 4 wheel vehicles and fishing boats instead of mailing it to the government to spend on progressive social programs.
Jan 10th
Superbowl Sunday. Official day when white males beat their wives providing necessary work for people manning shelter hot lines.
Jan 15th
Official Riot and Looting day! Day for disgruntled white males to loot and burn down stores as a means for political expression. Since it's so cold, however, most white males stay home. This explains why white people never trash anything. Maybe we should change this to June...
Jan 16th
Request Federal aid for rebuilding our cities after the riots. Since no riot occurred, funds are redirected to Mark Fuhrman legal defense fund.
Jan 17th
Rally honoring custodial fathers who collect from the $100 Billion dollar welfare system. All 10 of them...
Jan 20th
White male migration day. Millions of white males grab their children and run for Tiajuana demanding Mexico pay for free medical care, housing, and education.
Jan 21st
Didn't work. White males return home and beg their bosses for their job back.
Jan 22nd
Most white males rehired. This is the only day that employers post listings: "White males encouraged to apply."
Jan 25th
Equinox. Days start getting longer and nights shorter. White males use this to oppress people somehow...
Jan 31st
End of White Male Month Destroy the Environmont *JAMBOREE!* White males drive cross country in an effort to burn all the gas we won in the gulf war. This results in global warming making next year's parade more bearable...
Jan 2nd: Starve minority children day. White males return unwanted Xmas gifts and spend money on 4 wheel vehicles and fishing boats instead of mailing it to the government to spend on progressive social programs.
Jan 10th
Superbowl Sunday. Official day when white males beat their wives providing necessary work for people manning shelter hot lines.
Jan 15th
Official Riot and Looting day! Day for disgruntled white males to loot and burn down stores as a means for political expression. Since it's so cold, however, most white males stay home. This explains why white people never trash anything. Maybe we should change this to June...
Jan 16th
Request Federal aid for rebuilding our cities after the riots. Since no riot occurred, funds are redirected to Mark Fuhrman legal defense fund.
Jan 17th
Rally honoring custodial fathers who collect from the $100 Billion dollar welfare system. All 10 of them...
Jan 20th
White male migration day. Millions of white males grab their children and run for Tiajuana demanding Mexico pay for free medical care, housing, and education.
Jan 21st
Didn't work. White males return home and beg their bosses for their job back.
Jan 22nd
Most white males rehired. This is the only day that employers post listings: "White males encouraged to apply."
Jan 25th
Equinox. Days start getting longer and nights shorter. White males use this to oppress people somehow...
Jan 31st
End of White Male Month Destroy the Environmont *JAMBOREE!* White males drive cross country in an effort to burn all the gas we won in the gulf war. This results in global warming making next year's parade more bearable...
Jan 10th: Superbowl Sunday. Official day when white males beat their wives providing necessary work for people manning shelter hot lines.
Jan 15th
Official Riot and Looting day! Day for disgruntled white males to loot and burn down stores as a means for political expression. Since it's so cold, however, most white males stay home. This explains why white people never trash anything. Maybe we should change this to June...
Jan 16th
Request Federal aid for rebuilding our cities after the riots. Since no riot occurred, funds are redirected to Mark Fuhrman legal defense fund.
Jan 17th
Rally honoring custodial fathers who collect from the $100 Billion dollar welfare system. All 10 of them...
Jan 20th
White male migration day. Millions of white males grab their children and run for Tiajuana demanding Mexico pay for free medical care, housing, and education.
Jan 21st
Didn't work. White males return home and beg their bosses for their job back.
Jan 22nd
Most white males rehired. This is the only day that employers post listings: "White males encouraged to apply."
Jan 25th
Equinox. Days start getting longer and nights shorter. White males use this to oppress people somehow...
Jan 31st
End of White Male Month Destroy the Environmont *JAMBOREE!* White males drive cross country in an effort to burn all the gas we won in the gulf war. This results in global warming making next year's parade more bearable...
Jan 15th: Official Riot and Looting day! Day for disgruntled white males to loot and burn down stores as a means for political expression. Since it's so cold, however, most white males stay home. This explains why white people never trash anything. Maybe we should change this to June...
Jan 16th
Request Federal aid for rebuilding our cities after the riots. Since no riot occurred, funds are redirected to Mark Fuhrman legal defense fund.
Jan 17th
Rally honoring custodial fathers who collect from the $100 Billion dollar welfare system. All 10 of them...
Jan 20th
White male migration day. Millions of white males grab their children and run for Tiajuana demanding Mexico pay for free medical care, housing, and education.
Jan 21st
Didn't work. White males return home and beg their bosses for their job back.
Jan 22nd
Most white males rehired. This is the only day that employers post listings: "White males encouraged to apply."
Jan 25th
Equinox. Days start getting longer and nights shorter. White males use this to oppress people somehow...
Jan 31st
End of White Male Month Destroy the Environmont *JAMBOREE!* White males drive cross country in an effort to burn all the gas we won in the gulf war. This results in global warming making next year's parade more bearable...
Jan 16th: Request Federal aid for rebuilding our cities after the riots. Since no riot occurred, funds are redirected to Mark Fuhrman legal defense fund.
Jan 17th
Rally honoring custodial fathers who collect from the $100 Billion dollar welfare system. All 10 of them...
Jan 20th
White male migration day. Millions of white males grab their children and run for Tiajuana demanding Mexico pay for free medical care, housing, and education.
Jan 21st
Didn't work. White males return home and beg their bosses for their job back.
Jan 22nd
Most white males rehired. This is the only day that employers post listings: "White males encouraged to apply."
Jan 25th
Equinox. Days start getting longer and nights shorter. White males use this to oppress people somehow...
Jan 31st
End of White Male Month Destroy the Environmont *JAMBOREE!* White males drive cross country in an effort to burn all the gas we won in the gulf war. This results in global warming making next year's parade more bearable...
Jan 17th: Rally honoring custodial fathers who collect from the $100 Billion dollar welfare system. All 10 of them...
Jan 20th
White male migration day. Millions of white males grab their children and run for Tiajuana demanding Mexico pay for free medical care, housing, and education.
Jan 21st
Didn't work. White males return home and beg their bosses for their job back.
Jan 22nd
Most white males rehired. This is the only day that employers post listings: "White males encouraged to apply."
Jan 25th
Equinox. Days start getting longer and nights shorter. White males use this to oppress people somehow...
Jan 31st
End of White Male Month Destroy the Environmont *JAMBOREE!* White males drive cross country in an effort to burn all the gas we won in the gulf war. This results in global warming making next year's parade more bearable...
Jan 20th: White male migration day. Millions of white males grab their children and run for Tiajuana demanding Mexico pay for free medical care, housing, and education.
Jan 21st
Didn't work. White males return home and beg their bosses for their job back.
Jan 22nd
Most white males rehired. This is the only day that employers post listings: "White males encouraged to apply."
Jan 25th
Equinox. Days start getting longer and nights shorter. White males use this to oppress people somehow...
Jan 31st
End of White Male Month Destroy the Environmont *JAMBOREE!* White males drive cross country in an effort to burn all the gas we won in the gulf war. This results in global warming making next year's parade more bearable...
Jan 21st: Didn't work. White males return home and beg their bosses for their job back.
Jan 22nd
Most white males rehired. This is the only day that employers post listings: "White males encouraged to apply."
Jan 25th
Equinox. Days start getting longer and nights shorter. White males use this to oppress people somehow...
Jan 31st
End of White Male Month Destroy the Environmont *JAMBOREE!* White males drive cross country in an effort to burn all the gas we won in the gulf war. This results in global warming making next year's parade more bearable...
Jan 22nd: Most white males rehired. This is the only day that employers post listings: "White males encouraged to apply."
Jan 25th
Equinox. Days start getting longer and nights shorter. White males use this to oppress people somehow...
Jan 31st
End of White Male Month Destroy the Environmont *JAMBOREE!* White males drive cross country in an effort to burn all the gas we won in the gulf war. This results in global warming making next year's parade more bearable...
Jan 25th: Equinox. Days start getting longer and nights shorter. White males use this to oppress people somehow...
Jan 31st
End of White Male Month Destroy the Environmont *JAMBOREE!* White males drive cross country in an effort to burn all the gas we won in the gulf war. This results in global warming making next year's parade more bearable...
Jan 31st: End of White Male Month Destroy the Environmont *JAMBOREE!* White males drive cross country in an effort to burn all the gas we won in the gulf war. This results in global warming making next year's parade more bearable...

Disclaimer: This disclaimer is necessary for anyone who makes race comments or jokes about non-white-males. Author claims to not be racist or horrible even if he is because it makes sense. Do you really think he would admit it? If the reader wishes to retaliate in some fashion, he may do so against other white males or the author's unborn children in a fashion acceptable to federal law.

Converted to HTML by Matt Bennett on October 12, 1995

mbsn@hazmat.com