Read on...
Date: Wed, 20 Mar 1996 18:14:07 -0500 (EST) From: EDward <bones@wam.umd.edu> To: Spacenet <spacenet@hazmat.com> Subject: testing
testing 123
Date: Wed, 20 Mar 1996 18:28:30 +0000
From: Vince Sabio <wavelet@colossus.arl.mil>
To: Spacenet <spacenet@hazmat.com>
Subject: Re: testing
** Sometime around 6:14 PM 3/20/96, EDward said:
>testing 123
Testing ***WHAT***???
Ferchrissake, don't just say "testing 123," tell us *what* you're testing! And give a little time between counts, so we can follow along. You know, like,
"Testing, 1 ... 2 ... 3 ..."
Sheesh! Some people.
- Vince S.
wavelet@colossus.arl.mil
-- For info on HumourNet--the Internet's moderated mailing list for humor-- send the command INFO HUMORNET (with only one "u") to listproc2@bgu.edu --
Date: Wed, 20 Mar 1996 18:50:24 -0500 (EST)
From: Matt Bennett <mbsn@hazmat.com>
To: Vince Sabio <wavelet@colossus.arl.mil>
Cc: spacenet@hazmat.com
Subject: Re: testing
I think it was inherently obvious, he was testing the 1 key, the 2 key and the 3 key on his keyboard. Unless of course, he was testing the 'whoops' key. In the former case, it works, in the latter, it does not. Actually, to be nice to Vince, you probably need to slow it down a wee bit more: send 'testing' in Wednesday, '1' on Thursday, '2' on Friday, and '3' on Monday.
----------------------------- Matt Bennett | mbsn@hazmat.com | http://www.hazmat.com/~mjb/ |
Date: Wed, 20 Mar 1996 20:09:12 -0500 (EST) From: "Duncan D. Sterling" <buffalo@wam.umd.edu> To: Matt Bennett <mbsn@hazmat.com> Cc: Vince Sabio <wavelet@colossus.arl.mil>, spacenet@hazmat.com Subject: Re: testing
[east asian accent mode with_robes_and_baldness ON]
[incense mode ON]
[sitar music ON]
Gentlemen, you are missing the point. I think it is more of a zen thing. You know, don't just type the word or the number, you must *be* the word and *be* the number. It's the experience of the whole thing you see, not just characters on a page...
Vince, if you look at it this way, you'll be able to keep up with *experience* of the thing effortlessly, without even mentally sweating. Too often in our 'hurry-up' Western mentalities and lifestyles, we try to keep up with too many things at once. Life becomes a constant struggle to 'catch up'. We become irritated and sharp tempered--we feel overwhelmed. In using this approach, we lose the true meaning of the thing we are trying to keep up with! Slow down, take a step back, breath deeply, and try to calmly reflect upon the true meaning of the statement, "Testing 123". This will bring you the true knowlege understanding and meaning you seek.
Matt, stop trying to *explain* everything away. Some things you can't just quantify and then discard like a western engineer. Not everthing is in 'black and white'. There are shades of gray that can't be explained with 'either/or' logic. You need to step back from your analysis and be more *sensing* and *feeling*. Then you can quantify, but on a much more deep and meaningful level. It is not 'just one set of keys or another' or just 'one outcome or another' it is the true meaning of 'testing 123' that you seek as well. You are caught up in the traditional Western concept of the "thing over the meaning" where we gloss over the very thing which we seek to truly understand. You must step back and empty your mind of the concepts and preconceived notions that have become stuck there. Only then can you truly analyze 'testing 123' and truly understand it in it's deep and full meaning in your life, thus finding peace within yourself and among your surroundings...
--Swami Buffalo
[eastern accent mode with_robes_and_baldness OFF]
[incense mode OFF]
[sitar music OFF]
Date: Wed, 20 Mar 1996 21:33:15 +0000 From: Vince Sabio <wavelet@colossus.arl.mil> To: "Duncan D. Sterling" <buffalo@wam.umd.edu> Cc: spacenet@hazmat.com, mbsn@hazmat.com Subject: Re: testing
[forwards providing audit trail for CDA enforcement personnel]
** Sometime around 8:09 PM 3/20/96, Duncan D. Sterling, who's been snorting just a wee bit too much of his incense, said:
>[east asian accent mode with_robes_and_baldness ON]
Is this a C-callable routine?
>[incense mode ON] > >[sitar music ON] > >Gentlemen, you are missing the point. I think it is more of a zen thing. >You know, don't just type the word or the number, you must *be* the word >and *be* the number. It's the experience of the whole thing you see, not >just characters on a page... Exactly what flavor incense is that you've got there, Dunc, ole boy? >Vince, if you look at it this way, you'll be able to keep up with >*experience* of the thing effortlessly, without even mentally sweating. <dumb look> Huh? >Too often in our 'hurry-up' Western mentalities and lifestyles, we try to >keep up with too many things at once. Life becomes a constant struggle to >'catch up'. We become irritated and sharp tempered-- Do not! Fuck off. >we feel overwhelmed. >In using this approach, we lose the true meaning of the thing we are >trying to keep up with! Slow down, take a step back, breath deeply, and try >to calmly reflect upon the true meaning of the statement, "Testing 123". Well, I would have if EDward hadn't prematurely ejaculated the entire statement before he was ever even fully in the list. >This will bring you the true knowlege understanding and meaning you seek. Knowledge? Understanding? Meaning? Seeking? You must be referring to my quest to pinch Kathy Ireland's butt ... (with my teeth, of course) And as for Matt ... >Matt, stop trying to *explain* everything away. Some things you can't just >quantify and then discard like a western engineer. Not everthing is in >'black and white'. There are shades of gray that can't be explained with >'either/or' logic. You need to step back from your analysis and be more >*sensing* and *feeling*. You're *waaaay* of base here, Dunc. Why, just the other day, I saw Matt crying at his computer because OS/2 crashed. *There's* feeling for ya. >to truly understand. You must step back and empty your mind of the >concepts and preconceived notions that have become stuck there. Oh, not to worry -- Matt has done a truly admirable job of emptying his mind. He even dusted ... >Only then >can you truly analyze 'testing 123' and truly understand it in it's deep No apostrophe there, Duncan. >and full meaning in your life, thus finding peace within yourself and >among your surroundings... In other words, we gotta get Matt laid ... - Vince S. wavelet@colossus.arl.mil -- For info on HumourNet--the Internet's moderated mailing list for humor-- send the command INFO HUMORNET (with only one "u") to listproc2@bgu.edu --
Date: Wed, 20 Mar 1996 21:57:22 -0500 (EST) From: Matt Bennett <mbsn@hazmat.com> To: Vince Sabio <wavelet@colossus.arl.mil> Cc: buffalo@wam.umd.edu, spacenet@hazmat.com, mbsn@hazmat.com Subject: Re: testing
Vince Sabio writes:
> And as for Matt ...
>
> >Matt, stop trying to *explain* everything away. Some things you can't just
> >quantify and then discard like a western engineer. Not everthing is in
> >'black and white'. There are shades of gray that can't be explained with
> >'either/or' logic. You need to step back from your analysis and be more
> >*sensing* and *feeling*.
>
> You're *waaaay* of base here, Dunc. Why, just the other day, I saw Matt
> crying at his computer because OS/2 crashed. *There's* feeling for ya.
How can I practice sensing and feeling, if the people I want to
sense and feel won't let me? And by the way, OS/2 crashed because
of a horrid Microsoft problem. 'Windows' I think its called. But
then again, Vince has a MacIntosh, so he *never* has problems with
Microsoft problems, right?
> >to truly understand. You must step back and empty your mind of the
> >concepts and preconceived notions that have become stuck there.
>
> Oh, not to worry -- Matt has done a truly admirable job of emptying his
> mind. He even dusted ...
For fingerprints... still haven't found out who took it.
> >can you truly analyze 'testing 123' and truly understand it in it's deep
>
> No apostrophe there, Duncan.
>
> >and full meaning in your life, thus finding peace within yourself and
> >among your surroundings...
>
> In other words, we gotta get Matt laid ...
All right! For once, I completely agree with you, Vince. I reserve the
right to a final review of the applicants.
> - Vince S.
^^^^^ Despite your laudable statements above, I must point out that
you mispelled 'Anal Retentive' again.
> wavelet@colossus.arl.mil
-----------------------------
Matt Bennett |
mbsn@hazmat.com |
http://www.hazmat.com/~mjb/ |
Date: Wed, 20 Mar 1996 22:04:15 -0500 (EST) From: Dominick Dell'Erba <doctor@hazmat.com> To: Vince Sabio <wavelet@colossus.arl.mil> Cc: buffalo@wam.umd.edu, spacenet@hazmat.com, mbsn@hazmat.com Subject: Re: testingWhy don't you nice boys take your snibbling to "alt.flame.test"? ; )
Date: Wed, 20 Mar 1996 22:16:00 +0000 From: Vince Sabio <wavelet@colossus.arl.mil> To: mbsn@hazmat.com Cc: spacenet@hazmat.com Subject: HELP MATT GET LAID! ** Sometime around 9:57 PM 3/20/96, Matt Bennett, 301-394-2530, libels: >Vince Sabio writes: >> And as for Matt ... >> >> >Matt, stop trying to *explain* everything away. Some things you can't just >> >quantify and then discard like a western engineer. Not everthing is in >> >'black and white'. There are shades of gray that can't be explained with >> >'either/or' logic. You need to step back from your analysis and be more >> >*sensing* and *feeling*. >> >> You're *waaaay* of base here, Dunc. Why, just the other day, I saw Matt >> crying at his computer because OS/2 crashed. *There's* feeling for ya. > >How can I practice sensing and feeling, if the people I want to >sense and feel won't let me? It's not necessarily that *they* won't let you, Matt -- just they're *bodyguards* won't. >And by the way, OS/2 crashed because >of a horrid Microsoft problem. 'Windows' I think its called. Isn't that a virus? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! (And you shoulda put Duncan's spare apostrophe there, BTW.) >But >then again, Vince has a MacIntosh, so he *never* has problems with >Microsoft problems, right? That's Macintush, and I *wouldn't* have MS problems if I were only smart enough to not use their silly products. >> >and full meaning in your life, thus finding peace within yourself and >> >among your surroundings... >> >> In other words, we gotta get Matt laid ... > >All right! For once, I completely agree with you, Vince. I reserve the >right to a final review of the applicants. Well, SpaceChicks, here's YOUR BIG CHANCE to HELP MATT GET LAID! (Hey, in exchange for the favor, Matt just might honor your requests to be taken off this list ...) Ann Hyde contributed this discription of our hero; read it carefully, and ask yourself if YOU could be the ONE to HELP MATT GET LAID ... >A quick surf through the archives of several now-defunct dating services >reveals: > >Matthew Jujube Bennett, age 24-30. >Profession: Technical Director, Demagogue Labs. >Hobbies: microwaving, finding things in the desert, bringing them home. >Fave CD: Debbie Gibson, "You Perk Me Up" >2nd Fave Web Site: http://www.nerdworld.com, link to The Don Ho Homepage, >Mortuary Makeup Tips, Fishcam, The Big Black Hole of Pain, and Psychic >Chicken Network. Did I mention, Find the Spam? OTOH, maybe we oughta start with an easier subject, like Michael Jackson or Benji. >> - Vince S. > ^^^^^ Despite your laudable statements above, I must point out that > you mispelled 'Anal Retentive' again. Damn. MicrosoftSpellChecker obviously isn't worth the disk it's written on. - Vince S. wavelet@colossus.arl.mil -- For info on HumourNet--the Internet's moderated mailing list for humor-- send the command INFO HUMORNET (with only one "u") to listproc2@bgu.edu --
Date: Wed, 20 Mar 1996 23:40:33 -0500 From: Ann Hyde <alh@radix.net> To: Vince Sabio <wavelet@colossus.arl.mil> Cc: spacenet@hazmat.com Subject: Re: HELP MATT GET LAID!
Testes 1-2, testes 1-2
Way past his bedtime, Vince Sabio moves his lips like this:
>Ann Hyde contributed this discription of our hero; read it carefully, >and ask yourself if YOU could be the ONE to HELP MATT GET LAID ...
We won't get into the tome-sized length of various other unrequited roll calls. Just hope you guys aren't going to start comparing love lives with hard drives...buy a porsche and learn how to cook, that's all that's necessary.
no really, ---a
Date: Thu, 21 Mar 1996 08:05:17 -0500 (EST) From: Matt Bennett <mbsn@hazmat.com> To: Vince Sabio <wavelet@colossus.arl.mil> Cc: mbsn@hazmat.com, spacenet@hazmat.com Subject: Re: HELP MATT GET LAID!
Man, I love that suject line! I gotta keep this thread going!
Vince Sabio writes:
> > ** Sometime around 9:57 PM 3/20/96, Matt Bennett, 301-394-2530, libels: > >How can I practice sensing and feeling, if the people I want to > >sense and feel won't let me? > > It's not necessarily that *they* won't let you, Matt -- just they're > *bodyguards* won't. Vince, I can't let this one by... the proper use is not the contraction of 'they are', just the simple word 'their' is appropriate here. > >And by the way, OS/2 crashed because > >of a horrid Microsoft problem. 'Windows' I think its called. > > Isn't that a virus? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! > (And you shoulda put Duncan's spare apostrophe there, BTW.) I got many extra's, see there's one ahh I' can' st'op the ap'ostro'phe's. They k'eep po'pp'ing up. > Well, SpaceChicks, here's YOUR BIG CHANCE to HELP MATT GET LAID! > (Hey, in exchange for the favor, Matt just might honor your requests > to be taken off this list ...) Or then again, I might not volunteer to create *your* rollcall entry. Choose wisely. > Ann Hyde contributed this discription of our hero; read it carefully, > and ask yourself if YOU could be the ONE to HELP MATT GET LAID ... > > >A quick surf through the archives of several now-defunct dating services > >reveals: > > > >Matthew Jujube Bennett, age 24-30. > >Profession: Technical Director, Demagogue Labs. > >Hobbies: microwaving, finding things in the desert, bringing them home. > >Fave CD: Debbie Gibson, "You Perk Me Up" > >2nd Fave Web Site: http://www.nerdworld.com, link to The Don Ho Homepage, > >Mortuary Makeup Tips, Fishcam, The Big Black Hole of Pain, and Psychic > >Chicken Network. Did I mention, Find the Spam? Whoops, forgot: Fave Book: _Priapism: A disease, or a Really Good Time?_ ----------------------------- Matt Bennett | mbsn@hazmat.com | http://www.hazmat.com/~mjb/ |
Date: Thu, 21 Mar 1996 12:39:22 -0500 (EST) From: little cat <gatita@wam.umd.edu> To: Matt Bennett <mbsn@hazmat.com> Cc: spacenet@hazmat.com Subject: Re: HELP MATT GET LAID!
On Thu, 21 Mar 1996, Matt Bennett wrote:
> Whoops, forgot: > > Fave Book: _Priapism: A disease, or a Really Good Time?_
matt, you haven't read the whole priapism library?
check them out:
_Priapism: A hard act to follow_
_Priapism and You: Get Your Comeuppance_
and
_When at First You Don't Succeed, Pri, Pri, Pri_
Date: Thu, 21 Mar 1996 12:41:24 -0500 (EST) From: little cat <gatita@wam.umd.edu> To: Ann Hyde <alh@radix.net> Cc: Vince Sabio <wavelet@colossus.arl.mil>, spacenet@hazmat.com Subject: Re: HELP MATT GET LAID!
On Wed, 20 Mar 1996, Ann Hyde wrote:
> Testes 1-2, testes 1-2
or for a polyorchid man: testes, 1-2-3, etc... although that's getting scary
> hard drives...buy a porsche and learn how to cook, that's all that's necessary.
isn't just paying for dinner enough anymore?
e
Date: Thu, 21 Mar 1996 12:50:44 +0000 From: Vince Sabio <wavelet@colossus.arl.mil> To: little cat <gatita@wam.umd.edu>, Ann Hyde <alh@radix.net> Cc: spacenet@hazmat.com Subject: Re: HELP MATT GET LAID! ** Sometime around 12:41 PM 3/21/96, little cat said: >On Wed, 20 Mar 1996, Ann Hyde wrote: >> hard drives...buy a porsche and learn how to cook, that's all that's >>necessary. > >isn't just paying for dinner enough anymore?Yeah, Ann, what gives? I thought *you* were supposed to learn howda cook. My responsibilities to pay for any/all entertainment (interpret however you will) and get pushy about sex at the end of the evening. Says so right in the "Guy Handbook, Volume XXLIV -- Restricted: This Version is For Men Only," chapt--
whoops
Ignore that quote from the alleged "Guy Handbook." No such thing. Heh, just me, making up another little funny. "Little funny," get it? Let's talk at great length about my job now ...
- Vince S.
wavelet@colossus.arl.mil -- For info on HumourNet--the Internet's moderated mailing list for humor-- send the command INFO HUMORNET (with only one "u") to listproc2@bgu.edu --
Date: Thu, 21 Mar 1996 13:16:50 -0500 (EST) From: "Daniel R. Haney" <drhaney@fenchurch.mit.edu> To: spacenet-request@hazmat.com Cc: Matt Bennett <mbsn@hazmat.com>, spacenet@hazmat.com Subject: Re: HELP MATT GET LAID!
On Thu, 21 Mar 1996, leetle keety, she wrotes:
> > Fave Book: _Priapism: A disease, or a Really Good Time?_ > > > matt, you haven't read the whole priapism library? > > check them out: > > _Priapism: A hard act to follow_ > _Priapism and You: Get Your Comeuppance_ > > and > > _When at First You Don't Succeed, Pri, Pri, Pri_
Coupla fax y'oughta know-
There's an injectable (nevermind into what) called papaverine that will stiffen your...eh...resolve in the event of dire need.
Greek god Priapus, associated equally with Aphrodite and Bacchus, whose statue was usually tucked off in the corner when it wasn't used as an outstanding towel rack...
-DrH
Date: Thu, 21 Mar 1996 13:30:29 -0500 (EST)
From: "Daniel R. Haney" <drhaney@fenchurch.mit.edu>
To: lil' kitty <gatita@wam.umd.edu>
Cc: Ann Hyde <alh@radix.net>, Vince Sabio <wavelet@colossus.arl.mil>,
spacenet@hazmat.com
Subject: Re: HELP MATT GET LAID!
Y'alls,
re: polyorchy, the British Monorchy, et.al.
On Thu, 21 Mar 1996, little cat wrote:
>> Testes 1-2, testes 1-2 > > or for a polyorchid man: testes, 1-2-3, etc... although that's getting scary
This appeared on the Silent-Tristero listserver-
>>On the average, a person has one testicle.
>Actually, slightly less than one.
Interesting claim. Sources, please? The _adult_ female population worldwide exceeds the adult male population by about 2-3%, but males have higher infant and child mortality at every age, and at birth the numbers run about 1% the other way. (The definition of `person' is relevant here, of course---since more male than female zygotes are reabsorbed in the first four weeks of gestation, during which the testes have begun to develop, the fundamentalist definition gives a higher `Testicle Index' than the 14th Amendment definition.) Since the median age of the world population is about 14.5, rising slowly from a low of 12.7 or so in the 1960s, it is not clear that the adult number is the relevant one. Also, there is congenital triorchidy to consider. In the other direction, of course, testicular cancer leads to several thousand uni- or bilateral orchiectomies every year.
For some odd reason, none of my lay medical references have the relevant numbers to resolve the T.I. question decisively. (This always happens; no one ever compiles the sort of information we are usually looking for. Bozos.) Does anyone out there have unambiguous data, or will we have to make do with a spot count?
[i disentangled his .sig:]
``A Jug of Wine, a Loaf of Bread, -- and Thou....''
[name 3 things with yeast] |
Joshua W Burton (708)677-3902
jburton@nwu.edu
Date: Thu, 21 Mar 1996 13:48:04 -0500 (EST)
From: little cat <gatita@wam.umd.edu>
To: "Daniel R. Haney" <drhaney@fenchurch.mit.edu>
Cc: Ann Hyde <alh@radix.net>, Vince Sabio <wavelet@colossus.arl.mil>,
spacenet@hazmat.com
Subject: Re: HELP MATT GET LAID!
On Thu, 21 Mar 1996, Daniel R. Haney wrote:
> Interesting claim. Sources, please? The _adult_ female population worldwide
> exceeds the adult male population by about 2-3%, but males have higher
> infant and child mortality at every age,
^^^^^^^^^^^^
is this an argument against the peter pan syndrome?
> ``A Jug of Wine, a Loaf of Bread, -- and Thou....''
>
> [name 3 things with yeast] |
ow!
and meow!
e
Date: Thu, 21 Mar 1996 13:53:29 -0500 (EST)
From: "Daniel R. Haney" <drhaney@fenchurch.mit.edu>
To: little cat <gatita@wam.umd.edu>
Cc: Ann Hyde <alh@radix.net>, Vince Sabio <wavelet@colossus.arl.mil>,
spacenet@hazmat.com
Subject: Re: HELP MATT GET LAID!
On Thu, 21 Mar 1996, The leetle keety, she mreowed:
> On Thu, 21 Mar 1996, Daniel R. Haney wrote: >> [snip!] >> but males have higher >> infant and child mortality at every age, > ^^^^^^^^^^^^ > is this an argument against the peter pan syndrome?
Wait. I don't understand. Isn't 'peter pan' a type of camera motion in a porno flick?
Deeply confyoozd, -DrH
Date: Thu, 21 Mar 1996 14:09:47 +0000 From: Vince Sabio <wavelet@colossus.arl.mil> To: spacenet@hazmat.com Subject: Re: HELP MATT GET LAID!
** Sometime around 1:53 PM 3/21/96, Daniel R. Haney said:
>On Thu, 21 Mar 1996, The leetle keety, she mreowed: > >> On Thu, 21 Mar 1996, Daniel R. Haney wrote: >>> [snip!] >>> but males have higher >>> infant and child mortality at every age, >> ^^^^^^^^^^^^ >> is this an argument against the peter pan syndrome? > > Wait. I don't understand. Isn't 'peter pan' a type of >camera motion in a porno flick? > >Deeply confyoozd, >-DrH
WHAT THE HELL DOES ANY OF THIS HAFTA DO WITH GETTING MATT LAID?
As the originator of this thread, I reserve the right to scream if we start to get off the main topic. Try to stay focused -- we have an important and honorable task at hand. :-)
Now ...
Is there *no one* (we're getting desperate here, folks) out there in Spacenetville who is willing to volunteer her -- uh -- *services* to help Matt lose it? C'mon, we're just talking *one night* (hell, prolly *forty seconds*), and Matt said that you can even leave the lights off if you must.
Ante up, SpaceChicks ...
- Vince S.
wavelet@colossus.arl.mil
-- For info on HumourNet--the Internet's moderated mailing list for humor-- send the command INFO HUMORNET (with only one "u") to listproc2@bgu.edu --
Date: Thu, 21 Mar 1996 14:59:27 -0500 (EST) From: little cat <gatita@wam.umd.edu> To: Vince Sabio <wavelet@colossus.arl.mil> Cc: spacenet@hazmat.com Subject: helping matt
On Thu, 21 Mar 1996, Vince Sabio wrote:
> Is there *no one* (we're getting desperate here, folks) out there > in Spacenetville who is willing to volunteer her -- uh -- *services* > to help Matt lose it? C'mon, we're just talking *one night* (hell, > prolly *forty seconds*), and Matt said that you can even leave the > lights off if you must. > > Ante up, SpaceChicks ...
and WHY does it have to be a female? if matt just wants to get laid, if he wears a bag over his head he can do it with the lights *on* and never know the difference.
so guys, what'll it be? any of *y'all* deprived enough to help matt out?
e
Date: Thu, 21 Mar 1996 15:20:13 +0000 From: Vince Sabio <wavelet@colossus.arl.mil> To: spacenet@hazmat.com Subject: Re: helping matt
** Sometime around 2:59 PM 3/21/96, little cat said:
>and WHY does it have to be a female? if matt just wants to get laid, >if he wears a bag over his head he can do it with the lights *on* and never >know the difference. > >so guys, what'll it be? any of *y'all* deprived enough to help matt out?
Is that "deprived" or "depraved"? Sorry, but I think *even Mattski* could tell the difference.
And if he wears a bag over his head, how's he supposed to find the -- uh -- proper receptacle, especially given his rather limited (if any?) experience with such things?
Plus, if he's to have bragging rights, we really need to keep the selection process somewhat gender specific. (No one has said *anything* about keeping it "genus-specific," tho.)
Nope, I throw this one back to the SpaceChicks ...
- Vince S.
wavelet@colossus.arl.mil
-- For info on HumourNet--the Internet's moderated mailing list for humor-- send the command INFO HUMORNET (with only one "u") to listproc2@bgu.edu --
Date: Thu, 21 Mar 1996 15:40:58 -0500 (EST) From: Matt Bennett <mbsn@hazmat.com> To: little cat <gatita@wam.umd.edu> Cc: wavelet@colossus.arl.mil, spacenet@hazmat.com Subject: Re: helping matt
little cat writes:
> and WHY does it have to be a female? if matt just wants to get laid, > if he wears a bag over his head he can do it with the lights *on* and never > know the difference. > > so guys, what'll it be? any of *y'all* deprived enough to help matt out?
At the beginning of this, I retained the right of the final review of the applicant(s), for just this reason. But I've tried the bag over my head trick, and especially with the string drawn tight, it gets kinda stuffy in there. Oh well... I have my standards, which I can discuss in sordid detail, in private.
----------------------------- Matt Bennett | mbsn@hazmat.com | http://www.hazmat.com/~mjb/ |
Date: Thu, 21 Mar 1996 15:45:39 -0500 (EST) From: "Daniel R. Haney" <drhaney@fenchurch.mit.edu> To: spacenet-request@hazmat.com Cc: spacenet@hazmat.com Subject: Re: helping matt get poked
This is quite a poser, this getting Matt properly pronged.
Now, I don't suggest (like hell I don't) that we pass the hat, push Matt through the front door of a brothel and toss the money after him, but short of that, what can we _really_ do?
Kidnapping him a couple nights a week and forcing him into a mosh pit with latter-day Riot Grrls might not go over too well. Twice.
Practically speaking, if you ain't gettin' poked, it's cuz you ain't in circulation for any metric buttload of reasons.
I do NOT recommend the Cambridge leather & appliance shop called Hubba Hubba. The folks in there are certainly nice enough but they are ALIEN.
Matt, ya gots ta slack off on the radio station. Come out in the light - there's toadstools growing on you. Yer friends want you over for dinner more often so's they can fix you up with a "possible".
-DrH
Date: Thu, 21 Mar 1996 15:56:33 -0500 (EST) From: "Warner S. Sterling" <wss@saltmine.radix.net> To: "Daniel R. Haney" <drhaney@fenchurch.mit.edu> Cc: spacenet-request@hazmat.com, spacenet@hazmat.com Subject: Re: helping matt get poked
And I thought there wuz a young miss in Philly... (love them cheesesteaks)
Warner
Date: Thu, 21 Mar 1996 16:26:22 +0000 From: Vince Sabio <wavelet@colossus.arl.mil> To: "Warner S. Sterling" <wss@saltmine.radix.net> Cc: spacenet@hazmat.com Subject: Re: helping matt get poked
Sure, this was just a fabricated story -- Matt's mother doesn't let him drive that far by himself.
- Vince S.
wavelet@colossus.arl.mil
-- For info on HumourNet--the Internet's moderated mailing list for humor-- send the command INFO HUMORNET (with only one "u") to listproc2@bgu.edu --
Date: Thu, 21 Mar 1996 16:37:34 -0500 (EST) From: Matt Bennett <mbsn@hazmat.com> To: spacenet@hazmat.com Subject: testing
testing 123
Date: Thu, 21 Mar 1996 16:42:34 +0000 From: Vince Sabio <wavelet@colossus.arl.mil> To: mbsn@hazmat.com Cc: spacenet@hazmat.com Subject: Re: testing
** Sometime around 4:37 PM 3/21/96, Matt Bennett said:
>testing 123
Testing ***WHAT***???
Ferchrissake, don't just say "testing 123," tell us *what* you're testing! And give a little time between counts, so we can follow along. You know, like,
"Testing, 1 ... 2 ... 3 ..."
Sheesh! Some people.
- Vince S.
wavelet@colossus.arl.mil
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Date: Thu, 21 Mar 1996 17:01:23 -0500 (EST) From: little cat <gatita@wam.umd.edu> To: Matt Bennett <mbsn@hazmat.com> Cc: wavelet@colossus.arl.mil, spacenet@hazmat.com Subject: i didn't really have any work to do today...
On Thu, 21 Mar 1996, Matt Bennett wrote:
> At the beginning of this, I retained the right of the final review of > the applicant(s), for just this reason. But I've tried the bag over > my head trick, and especially with the string drawn tight, it gets kinda > stuffy in there.
now matt, we're talking about when you have sex with *someone else,* not just by yourself. we didn't really *want* to know about your auto-erotic asphyxiation practices, but, well, since you've brought them up, let's just work you over in even greater detail.
> Oh well... I have my standards, which I can discuss > in sordid detail, in private.
are you calling those 1-900 numbers again????
[elisa begins to have this vision: she's driving home on her motorcycle...suddenly, out of a side street, a red miata. fur and honda parts go flying as the little cat becomes roadkill and the last thing the witnesses see and hear is a blond ponytail and maniacal laughter..."make fun of my sex life will you little dead cat!!!"]
Date: Thu, 21 Mar 1996 17:12:28 -0500 (EST) From: "Duncan D. Sterling" <buffalo@wam.umd.edu> To: Vince Sabio <wavelet@colossus.arl.mil> Cc: mbsn@hazmat.com, spacenet@hazmat.com Subject: Re: testing
On Thu, 21 Mar 1996, Matt Sabio wrote:
> ** Sometime around 6:14 PM 3/20/96, EDward said: > > >testing 123 > > Testing ***WHAT***??? > > Ferchrissake, don't just say "testing 123," tell us *what* you're > testing! And give a little time between counts, so we can follow > along. You know, like, > > "Testing, 1 ... 2 ... 3 ..." > > Sheesh! Some people.
[east asian accent mode with_orange_robes_and_baldness ON]
[incense mode ON]
[sitar music ON]
[dejavu mode ON]
My friend, you are missing the point. I think it is more of a zen thing. You know, don't just type the word or the number, you must *be* the word and *be* the number. It's the experience of the whole thing you see, not just characters on a page...
Vince, if you look at it this way, you'll be able to keep up with *experience* of the thing effortlessly, without even mentally sweating. Too often in our 'hurry-up' Western mentalities and lifestyles, we try to keep up with too many things at once. Life becomes a constant struggle to 'catch up'. We become irritated and sharp tempered--we feel overwhelmed. In using this approach, we lose the true meaning of the thing we are trying to keep up with! Slow down, take a step back, breath deeply, and try to calmly reflect upon the true meaning of the statement, "Testing 123". This will bring you the true knowlege understanding and meaning you seek.
--Mahatma Water Buffalo
[eastern accent mode with_orange_robes_and_baldness OFF]
[incense mode OFF]
[sitar music OFF]
[dejavu mode OFF]
Date: Thu, 21 Mar 1996 17:13:09 -0500 (EST) From: stefanie elisabeth fogleman <stefanie@wam.umd.edu> To: Vince Sabio <wavelet@colossus.arl.mil> Cc: "Warner S. Sterling" <wss@saltmine.radix.net>, spacenet@hazmat.com Subject: Re: helping matt get poked
i can't hold it in anymore. when do you all find the time??
but then again. maybe it's a worthwhile cause. anyone can find the time to promote a worthwhile cause...you know, getting matt "poked" and all...
btw matt, *i'll* get you hooked up.
stefanie
Date: Thu, 21 Mar 1996 17:32:36 -0500 From: Ann Hyde <alh@radix.net> To: stefanie elisabeth fogleman <stefanie@wam.umd.edu> Cc: spacenet@hazmat.com Subject: any resemblance to GETTING MATT LAID is priapitous
>Stefanie says:
>i can't hold it in anymore. when do you all find the time??
(Snicker) I can't hold it in anymore either.
The rationale seems to be that if we uh, keep it up long enough---then maybe it'll work.
Maybe we should start slow, have Matt take everybody out to dinner, then work our way up to the paper bags.
---a
Date: Thu, 21 Mar 1996 17:59:04 +0000 From: Vince Sabio <wavelet@colossus.arl.mil> To: stefanie elisabeth fogleman <stefanie@wam.umd.edu> Cc: spacenet@hazmat.com Subject: Re: helping matt get poked
** Sometime around 5:13 PM 3/21/96, stefanie elisabeth fogleman said:
>i can't hold it in anymore. when do you all find the time??
Random-silly-email generator. Nice app. Don't you have one?
>but then again. maybe it's a worthwhile cause. anyone can find the time >to promote a worthwhile cause...you know, getting matt "poked" and all... > >btw matt, *i'll* get you hooked up.
<Stefanie raises hand to swat fly>
[theme from "Rocky" playing the background]
"And we have a volunteer -- the babe in the back of the room, yes, you, miss, the one with the slow keyboard, step right this way, please, so we can give you your 'Matt Bennett deflowering' primer ..."
Please stay on the line, Stefanie, and one of our operators will be glad to take down your phone number, street address, and other important information.
[And so, my friends, the campaign to HELP MATT GET LAID ends on a surprisingly successful note ...]
- Vince S.
wavelet@colossus.arl.mil
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Date: Thu, 21 Mar 1996 18:59:51 +0000 From: Vince Sabio <wavelet@colossus.arl.mil> To: spacenet@hazmat.com Subject: HELP GET MATT LAID TO REST!
Duncan accidentally pressed the wrong key for this one. (If the SpaceServer has been down for a while, it's prolly 'cuz the server is trying to make some sorta server sense outta Duncan's message.)
I'll take two points for the assist on getting it to the list ...
<< --------- start of forwarded material -------- >>
>Date: Thu, 21 Mar 1996 18:05:00 -0500 (EST) >From: "Duncan D. Sterling" <buffalo@wam.umd.edu> >To: Vince Sabio <wavelet@colossus.arl.mil> >cc: spacenet-request@hazmat.com >Subject: Re: testing >MIME-Version: 1.0 > >On Thu, 21 Mar 1996, Vince Sabio wrote: > >> MUCH judicious snipping< >> >> And as for Matt ... >> >> [backfill, backfill, backfill ...] >> >> We gotta get Matt laid. > >To rest? Is Matt at the end of his useful service life? Is it time for >recycling? Aren't sex and death closely linked? (or is that *marriage?) >If you're not getting laid you oughta be laid to rest (howzat for >*laying* down some logic?) > >OK, if Matt needs to be laid to rest, it's time to figure out the final >arrangements: > >1) Pickling? > >2) Preservation through soaking in 2 stroke oil? > >3) Microwaved by one of his radars at work, then served up with barbeque >sauce? > >Or shall we dissolve him in a big vat of hazardous waste, and ship it all >to New Jersey? If New Jersey, then where? Passaic? Newark? Trenton? > >But more importantly, Matt will need a will. Who should he leave his toys to? > >OK folks, Let's have a contest to see who can write the best will for >Matt prior to his getting laid to rest/recyled... > << -------- end of forwarded material -------- >>
- Vince S.
wavelet@colossus.arl.mil
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Date: Thu, 21 Mar 1996 19:16:44 -0500 (EST) From: Matt Bennett <mbsn@hazmat.com> To: Vince Sabio <wavelet@colossus.arl.mil> Cc: spacenet@hazmat.com Subject: Re: HELP GET MATT LAID TO REST!
> >From: "Duncan D. Sterling" <buffalo@wam.umd.edu> > > > >OK folks, Let's have a contest to see who can write the best will for > >Matt prior to his getting laid to rest/recyled...
I hereby leave to Duncan and Vince *jointly* the administration of SPACENET, the bounced messages, irate slamees, and CDA actions.
----------------------------- Matt Bennett | mbsn@hazmat.com | http://www.hazmat.com/~mjb/ |
Date: Thu, 21 Mar 1996 19:16:51 +0000 From: Vince Sabio <wavelet@colossus.arl.mil> To: spacenet@hazmat.com Subject: Re: testing
(This one's a little late. We screwed up our addresses here, and have apparently been carrying on this very nice conversation in private. Since I'd hate to leave the rest of the list in the dust, here is the *other* other missing correspondence.) ---------------------------------------------------------------------
[forwards providing audit trail for CDA enforcement personnel]
** Sometime around 5:12 PM 3/21/96, Duncan D. Sterling, who's been snorting just a wee bit too much of his incense, said:
>On Thu, 21 Mar 1996, Matt Bennett wrote: > >> Vince Sabio writes: >> >> ** Sometime around 6:14 PM 3/20/96, EDward said: >> >> >testing 123 >> >> Testing ***WHAT***??? >> >> Ferchrissake, don't just say "testing 123," tell us *what* you're >> testing! And give a little time between counts, so we can follow >> along. You know, like, >> >> "Testing, 1 ... 2 ... 3 ..." >> >> Sheesh! Some people. > >[east asian accent mode with_robes_and_baldness ON] Is this a C-callable routine? >[incense mode ON] > >[sitar music ON] > >[dejavu mode ON] Ain't it just the truth, tho? >My friend, you are missing the point. I think it is more of a zen thing. >You know, don't just type the word or the number, you must *be* the word >and *be* the number. It's the experience of the whole thing you see, not >just characters on a page... Exactly what flavor incense is that you've got there, Dunc, ole boy? >Vince, if you look at it this way, you'll be able to keep up with >*experience* of the thing effortlessly, without even mentally sweating. <dumb look> Huh? >Too often in our 'hurry-up' Western mentalities and lifestyles, we try to >keep up with too many things at once. Life becomes a constant struggle to >'catch up'. We become irritated and sharp tempered-- Do not! Fuck off. >we feel overwhelmed. >In using this approach, we lose the true meaning of the thing we are >trying to keep up with! Slow down, take a step back, breath deeply, and try >to calmly reflect upon the true meaning of the statement, "Testing 123". Well, I would have if EDward hadn't prematurely ejaculated the entire statement before he was ever even fully in the list. >This will bring you the true knowlege understanding and meaning you seek. Knowledge? Understanding? Meaning? Seeking? You must be referring to my quest to pinch Kathy Ireland's butt ... (with my teeth, of course) And as for Matt ... [backfill, backfill, backfill ...] We gotta get Matt laid. - Vince S. wavelet@colossus.arl.mil -- For info on HumourNet--the Internet's moderated mailing list for humor-- send the command INFO HUMORNET (with only one "u") to listproc2@bgu.edu --
Date: Thu, 21 Mar 1996 21:24:45 -0500 (EST) From: little cat <gatita@wam.umd.edu> To: Ann Hyde <alh@radix.net> Cc: stefanie elisabeth fogleman <stefanie@wam.umd.edu>, spacenet@hazmat.com Subject: LET'S GET THE REST OF MATT LAID!
On Thu, 21 Mar 1996, Ann Hyde wrote:
> (Snicker) I can't hold it in anymore either.
please ann, let go. you'll only give yourself a nasty UTI...and if i have to say so myself, bactrim and pyridium do not a yummy breakfast make...i'd rather have one of those cheesesteaks warner was talking about...
> The rationale seems to be that if we uh, keep it up long enough---then maybe > it'll work.
or no one will be left on spacenet because of our drivel...
> Maybe we should start slow, have Matt take everybody out to dinner, then > work our way up to the paper bags.
or maybe eat ourselves out of paper bags at his expense?
how DID this whole thing start? why can't i shut up about it? somebody get me a hobby!
-e
Date: Thu, 21 Mar 1996 21:28:27 -0500 (EST) From: Dominick Dell'Erba <doctor@hazmat.com> To: spacenet@hazmat.com Subject: Re: helping matt get poked
DrH previously prescribed:
> Matt, ya gots ta slack off on the radio station. Come out > in the light - there's toadstools growing on you. Yer friends > want you over for dinner more often so's they can fix you up > with a "possible". ^^^^^^^^^^
Matt, don't let this happen to you. Remember the old saying, "Can I help you or would you rather make your own mistakes?"
Dominick
> -DrH
Date: Thu, 21 Mar 1996 23:28:15 -0500 From: Ann Hyde <alh@radix.net> To: little cat <gatita@wam.umd.edu> Cc: spacenet@hazmat.com Subject: Stop me before I post again
>On That Day Which Keeps on Going, Elisa D'Avanzo wrote:
>how DID this whole thing start? why can't i shut up about it?
You know what it is? It's that damn vernal equinox. It's been pressing on my tiny brain all day. What is it about a young man's fancy? Is there supposed to be an apostrophe?
>or no one will be left on spacenet because of our drivel...
Somewhere in the depths of the weather mapping lab in the science building, on a little unobtrusive terminal, Dean Jones now has 497 unread spacenet messages waiting to jump on him like little oversexed bunnies.
---a
Date: Thu, 21 Mar 1996 23:48:20 +0000 From: Vince Sabio <wavelet@colossus.arl.mil> To: Ann Hyde <alh@radix.net> Cc: spacenet@hazmat.com Subject: Re: Stop me before I post again
** Sometime around 11:28 PM 3/21/96, Ann Hyde insisted on *continuing* this thread ...
>>On That Day Which Keeps on Going, Elisa D'Avanzo wrote: >> >>or no one will be left on spacenet because of our drivel... > >Somewhere in the depths of the weather mapping lab in the science building, >on a little unobtrusive terminal, Dean Jones now has 497 unread spacenet >messages waiting to jump on him like little oversexed bunnies.
HUH? WHAT? WHERE ... DID SOMEONE SAY "LITTLE OVERSEXED BUNNIES"? I *KNOW* I HEARD SOMEONE SAY "LITTLE OVERSEXED BUNNIES" ...
- Vince S.
wavelet@colossus.arl.mil
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Date: Fri, 22 Mar 1996 13:10:08 -0500 (EST) From: "Duncan D. Sterling" <buffalo@wam.umd.edu> To: spacenet@hazmat.com Cc: Ann Hyde <alh@radix.net>, wavelet@colossus.arl.mil Subject: Matt III, The Final Confrontation
OK lessee, to tie everything together here in the spirit of Zippy the Pinhead:
"Let's get Matt laid, laid to rest, poked, prodded and tested with a bottle of taco sauce"
Howzat for tying it all together FOR ONCE AND FOR ALL?
Oh, yeah--Vince can have his little oversexed bunnies if he *absolutely must*, (but not in public, and NO TELLING HIS MOM!)
As for Dean Jones and his 500 plus mail pieces of mail waiting from THIS THREAD THAT WOULDN'T DIE, we'll just run it off on a line printer and drop the resulting 2 ton bundle of paper on his house in Landover from a cargo plane. Let's see him try and ignore his email when it comes through the roof!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Duncan Sterling, University of Maryland, CDL trainer, MSF certified instructor buffalo@radix.net, buffalo@vetsclub.umd.edu | GT750L, GL1100I + many others "When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro" - Hunter S. Thompson ------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: Fri, 22 Mar 1996 14:55:16 -0600 (CST) From: JPM99649@jetson.uh.edu To: stefanie@wam.umd.edu Cc: spacenet@hazmat.com Subject: Re: helping matt get poked
Golly Steffo, I understand *you're* no seeing anyone, and you already are in Md. Then again, I suppose having one EE in your life is enough... Joe
Date: Fri, 22 Mar 1996 18:07:27 -0500 (EST) From: Dominick Dell'Erba <doctor@hazmat.com> To: Vince Sabio <wavelet@colossus.arl.mil> Cc: alh@radix.net, spacenet@hazmat.com Subject: Re: Stop me before I post again
At some point in this lifetime Vince erupted:
> HUH? WHAT? WHERE ... DID SOMEONE SAY "LITTLE OVERSEXED BUNNIES"? > I *KNOW* I HEARD SOMEONE SAY "LITTLE OVERSEXED BUNNIES" ...
Yes Vince, ones with small noses too! Contact Steve Dallas. "Here's your keys friend and happy motoring. Back on the freeway, which is already in progress."
> - Vince S. > wavelet@colossus.arl.mil