AP--Los Angeles Tuesday August 13th
In a shocking revelation, a spokesman for Warner Brothers Studios admitted today that the company has withheld information it had about life on Mars from the public for nearly three decades.
Apparently the popular character "Marvin the Martian" was not a fictitious creation as the studio's animation unit had maintained until today, but modeled after a live Martian.
According to spokeman Mel Blanc III, Warner Brothers animated features director Chuck Jones first encountered the real Marvin in Rosswell, New Mexico in late 1954. The diminutive alien was a guest of the the Department of Defense following a saucer crash at Rosswell in the late 1940's, which prevented his return to Mars. He apparently spent the remainder of his life as a consultant to both the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA), and Warner Brothers' "Looney Tunes" animation unit.
At Warner Brothers, he became the model for the famous clumsy martian character of the same name featured in the studio's cartoons. He retired from both in 1968, but continued to work part time until his death in 1973.
"With the announcement of the discovery of the Martian fossils this last week, we just didn't see any point in keeping this a secret any more" said Blanc. "Warner Brothers feels it is our civic duty to be honest with the American public and end this long standing deception."
Blanc explained further: "We feel we owe this to Marvin and his family as well, since he had to live the lie along with us. Warner Brothers is grateful for Marvin's contribution to the animated entertainment business."
Previously, the DoD had classified both the existence of the Martian and his spaceship, but an exception was made for Warner Brothers in consideration of their patriotic animation efforts during the second world war, according to pentagon sources who asked not to be named.
The announcement also provoked rumors around official Washington that the government has been run by aliens for years. The White House is expected to make a statement about the government's knowledge of extraterrestrial life within the next several days. When asked about the matter this morning however, the reaction from White House spokewoman DeeDee Myers was "no comment."
In related news, Senior Republican congressional leaders are calling for hearings on the government's knowledge of life on Mars, which could be convened as early as Friday. At a news conference this morning, House Speaker Newt Gingrich (R-Georgia) called on the White House to "Come clean" with the American public, and suggested that special prosecutor Kenneth Starr might be reassigned from the Whitewater hearings to what some Republican senators are already gleefully referring to as "Martiangate".
A spokesman for presumptive Republican presidential candidate Bob Dole said Dole was cosulting with party leaders about adding an alien's rights plank to the party platform. The plank would address the party's support for the right of naturalized extraterrestrials to vote, provided such aliens were not on public assistance.
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