SECRET FBI FILES ON MAJOR RESTAURANT CRIME FIGURES

Ronald MacDonald and his posse

Ronald Macdonald, mastermind of the countries and now the worlds largest crime family, MACDONALDS. Mr Macdonald is known to associate with known felons including the Hamburglar, a sociopathic Kleptomaniac who has a fixation for hamburgers.

The Hamburglar, is a bulemic who steals the hamburgers to gorge on them only to regurgitate them a few minutes later. Doctors say the Hamburglar is not a really dangerous criminal, he is a professional who commits his crimes with a great deal of stealth and expertise who is unlikely to kill unless forced to.

The Hamburglar also has an extremely bad speech impediment which makes it nearly impossible to understand. If interrogating Hamburglar it is advised to record the conversation and have it sent to the FBI Lab Washington for analysis.

Another known associate is code named GRIMACE. Grimace is the most dangerous member of the MacDonald Posse. Grimace is the Enforcer for the MacDonald Posse and should be handled with extreme caution.

Grimace is a highly trained assassin who was exposed to a high concentration of Agent Purple during a mission into Cambodia while employed with the CIA during the Vietnam Conflict. The high concentration of Agent Purple altered his body features and warped his mind. The CIA soon ended their Agent Purple testing soon afterward in favor of another color.

Grimace often maintains a foolish demeanor in order to lure his victim into a false sense of security. Do not be fooled, however, he has been known to beat old ladies to death for as little as using an expired coupon at a McDonald's Cartel establishment. He has been sent twice to kill the pirate Long John Silver (dossier later) , but has only managed to maim him, ripping his leg off at the knee, gouging his eye, and cutting off his hand. Long John managed to escape both times.

Another known MacDonald Posse member is code named BIRDIE. Birdie is the South American connection for the MacDonald Posse. She flys drug shipments into the Cartel Establishments for the Goblins (See Later) to push.

The last major MacDonald Posse members are code named the GOBLINS. The Goblins are a rag tag gang of thugs hired by the MacDonald Posse to do the dirty work of the Cartel. The Goblins usually hang out outside a Cartel Establishment and push the drugs and rough up non paying and destitute customers. The Goblins should be considered armed and dangerous at all times.

The leader of this organization is Ronald MacDonald. Macdonald, another veteran of the Vietnam Conflict, routinely dresses as a clown. It is not known whether this is a result of some psychological damage suffered during the war or a personal choice.

Like Grimace, don't be fooled by his foolish demeanor, he is a highly trained killer and routinely carries several different types of weapons on him at all time.

MacDonald is also a highly skilled Ninja, and can deliver devastating kicks with his abnormally large feet. MacDonald is quite sensitive about the size of his feet and has been rumored to kill people for just mentioning his foot size.

MacDonald is a very inspirational speaker who can inspire crowds to great violence or passivity. He is also a very accomplished diplomat as shown by the extent of his crime network.

MacDonald is always surrounded by one of his associates and should never be approached without extreme caution.

NOTES

Use extreme caution at all times when dealing with this crime organization. The worldwide network it has established makes it an extremely dangerous opponent. There are many more members of the MacDonalds Posse but the above mentioned are the most notorious.

Long John

Long John Silver is a notorious sea pirate who roams the seven seas looking for victims. Long John Silver suffers from the psychological disorder of megalomania. It has caused him to attempt to "muscle" in on some reserved territories of the McDonald's crime family. Grimace was sent to "hit" Long John and for the only known failures in his career, was unable to kill him. Long John has survived two "hits" from Grimace and is in hiding for his life. It is widely known that Grimace has lost face for these failures and will not fail a third time.

Long John is also in competition with Capt. D, a possible gangland war is brewing between Silver and D but may be put on hold til the "Grimace Situation" is resolved.

Captain D

Captain D is a notorious drug smuggler who smuggles drugs into the United States from various ports in South America. The Captain is well-known for his white slavery ring. He imports young girls and boys for special buyers around the globe.

D is also involved in a gangland war with his competition, Long John Silver, another maritime crimelord. D maintains a fleet of drug ships and slave galleys disguised as fishing boats for his so called "restaurants".

Burger KingPin

This man is also know as the Burger King Pin. He is known for his forceful takeovers of several smaller "hamburger joints" such as Burger Queen and BBF. His takeovers were often of a violent and bloody nature with dissenters being removed.

No one, at least on this side of the living, knows the identity of the Burger Kingpin. He is believed to be of Royal blood and has been disowned from the Royal Family of England.

He is currently under investigation for violations of the 1894 Sherman Anti-Trust Act. He has also been associated with many corrupt union figures.

Wendy

Wendy is the mysterious figurehead of a large crime family that operates through her father DAVE. Dave has been investigated many times, but his exact link with the Wendy crime family has not proven. Wendy is a toxic polluter and has dumped many barrels of toxic waste grease from her hamburgers, but no indictments have been made.

The Colonel

This organization was once headed by a man named Colonel Sanders. Sanders, a one time Confederate Officer and later Grand Wizard of the KKK, used the restaurant fronts to fund his KKK movements.

Sanders mysteriously disappeared as Grand Wizard of the KKK after placing an African American man in Lake Edna in charge of running many of the organizations activities.

No further information is available at this time.

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